Gentle Reader: this is one of those pieces where ya write the title first, and then ya see what comes out the fountain pen. Love, Politics, & Technology … I mean, shoot for the moon, land on the roof, amirite?
Love

What do I know about love? Less than any good 3-minute hit song on the topic, I assure you. I’m not being modest, it is what it is: I definitely can’t do better than a song about love that millions of people love.
But I know what I know about love, and I do think that I’ve learned something recently. I’ve had many decades of failure – generations, in fact – followed by solid success. I’ve learned something that may be helpful to other people, so now I feel like I’m obligated to write it down ….
Ok, now I’ve judo’d myself into feeling like this is a good thing, instead of being embarrassed about trying.
So here goes: for me, the key to love is that when I don’t have the love I need, my coping behavior is to think about it. I’m not saying I always come up with a solution – that is verifiably untrue! I’m saying that obsessive thinking is the brick that remains in my wall of cope, even today.
Over a very long and difficult period of struggle, I’ve eliminated the self-destructive copes I had, and they were a-plenty. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no California hippie, I’m not gonna tell you how to namaste and stuff, not gonna sell you yoni balls. If you know, you know. I just mean that if you have self-destructive copes, you know what I mean already. Nobody and nothing can help you get rid of the self-destructive copes but you, so I don’t know what to tell you about those. I truly wish you luck and hope you conquer your demons.
So for me, thinking is my cope – for reasons that aren’t relevant here. What matters is that people use a “cope” to avoid feelings. Now that I’ve gotten rid of my self-destructive copes: the bridges I burn can light my way, baby! Back in the day, I was setting fires just because. Now I burn the forest to see the trees.
That’s a metaphor, take it easy. I know, it’s not easy being green. Sorry, I love dad jokes 🙂
Anyway, when I don’t have the love I need, I can’t stop thinking about it. But thinking about it doesn’t mean I can do anything about it.
I’m just gonna think about it, and since my self-destructive copes are gone, all she has to be is the person who can accept the things about myself that I cannot change. The things I can’t change are just my own human failures, no biggie. They’re not that hard to accept without the self-destructive copes that used to come with the package.
And on my end, all I have to do is think about the things she cannot change, and understand that these are human parts of the human I love. Easy peasy.
Yeah, I know that’s what’s meant by the advice “Find the lock that fits your key.” I’m a fast thinker, but sometimes a slow learner.
Politics

I ran for California State Senate in 2022, in a district that spans a million people across the west side of Northern California. I loved doing it, and I lost by a lot. After the experience, I realized I could never be a political actor again.
I didn’t mind losing as much as I thought I would, but I vowed: never again. I puzzled about this for a long time, and only recently did I understand that it was all about love.
I love trying to fight for what’s right. I love meeting people and understanding their concerns, and then trying to fix their problems. I don’t love public speaking, but I really enjoy it as performance. I thought that I would love politics, and that I’d keep trying to win a seat through many elections, no matter how many losses I had to pile up first. I was expecting to lose, and thought that I’d try for decades if that’s what it took.
But when I lost, I quit forever, and I couldn’t figure out exactly why.
Now I know. The problem is, I love to share my thoughts for the very specific reason of developing a conversation. Politics, whatever else it is, is a job of directing the conversation. And to me, that’s actually a job of destroying the conversation.
I don’t love that. That’s the opposite of what I love. That’s why I had to quit politics forever.
I talk with people so that I can think together with them, not to tell them what to think. To me, that’s giving them love, and that feels good. Politics feels very, very bad 😦
Technology

I’ve been working in technology for over 25 years now, so once in a while some bright young tech person asks an old guy like me to speak to some future thinkers who want to hear about what I think the past means for the future. I think I’m too old to understand the present, but I’m young enough to see the future.
Just recently, I thought I gave a really good short presentation about the future of technology. And then afterwards, I tried to record the presentation and realized that it sucked without the audience, no matter how well I delivered the performance or what I said in the recording.
No audience, no joy.
And now I’ve realized that I’m going to quit giving recorded tech presentations.
Yeah, that’s weird, right? I mean it’s obvious that I couldn’t reproduce the joy without the audience, but why does that mean I’m never going to record tech discussions again? I love talking about technology with technologists in public, do I really want to lose that?
No audience, no joy. What exactly does that mean? In my particular case, it meant that most of the presentation was about getting the audience to like me, so that we could have a good conversation. The convo was great, the liking part was necessary for a lot of normal human reasons – but also substantively superfluous to the slide presentation.
There was only one slide of any substantive interest in that whole preso, and here it is:

I think that if you’re the kind of technologist who would enjoy a conversation with me, you already basically know what is meant by this slide.
In any case, if you like me already, for whatever other reason, including liking what you’ve read above or liking what you see in the slide, and you love thinking about technology – then feel free to reach out to me …
Just remember, as a technologist, that if we record the conversation, even if we simply write about it: we will lose information! This isn’t quantum physics, but it’s as sure as Schrödinger that a conversation has indeterminate meaning until it’s observed. Consequently, an observed conversation has a different meaning than an unobserved conversation. This cannot be solved by LLMs.

